just for fun......

I used to use livejournal, but rarely use it anymore, so maybe I should transfer a few posts from there to here? Good idea, or no?

here's one from 20 July 07
know what isn't fair? that i do not know my dad.
if my dad were to die today i wouldn't even have anything to say at his funeral.
it's not fair that i have to WISH i were closer with him.
it's not fair that he has never made an effort to get to know his children.
i know he is still (and was always) disappointed in ben.
i know he is unhappy with the way misty turned out.
and no matter how hard i tried my whole life, i could never make him happy, either.

he wasn't ready to be a dad. he wasn't even ready to get married.

i can tell he sometimes wants to be closer. wants to know me. but i just feel like it's too late. even if i wanted the same, i don't know how to communicate with him. that's just what it comes down to. i cannot, and do not know how to communicate with him. i don't know who he is. it's like trying to start a close relationship with someone 30 years older than you that you know nothing about, and you know that the end result will not be anything significant...it's not like we're going to get married...it's not like we're going to spend a lot of time together. why should we bother? why should we waste precious time on an unrewarding thing such as this?

this depresses me.

cute, huh?